Family Overview

MARRIAGE IS FROM THE LORD

"Truly conjugial love with its delights comes only from the Lord
and is given to those who live according to His commandments."
(Conjugial Love 534) 

True marriage love—conjugial love—is the most valuable love that the Lord can give us. Whether we realize it or not, He is always leading and preparing us for a happy, eternal marriage. Since all good things come from Him we can achieve a loving, Christian marriage only by looking to the Lord in our lives. The worship center we have in our homes symbolizes our acknowledgment that unless the Lord builds the house, we labor in vain to build it (Psalm 127:1). As we look to the Lord in our lives, He can bring us closer to the people we love.

Marriage is a three-way covenant between the Lord and a husband and a wife. Some people like to represent this covenant as a triangle with the Lord at the top, the husband on the left, and the wife on the right. As each partner looks to the Lord, he or she draws closer to Him. If both partners are looking to the Lord, they are also moving closer to each other. 
 

READ: Together As One, a sermon by the Rev. Grant R. Schnarr
Why do marriages based on a strong belief in the Lord God Jesus Christ and His teachings flourish? 

READ: Rebekah at the Well, a family talk by the Rev. Harold C. Cranch
This story shows the Lord’s love and care for those who trust in Him and obey His teachings.

 PROJECT: Looking to the Lord (for ages 7-up)
This project uses the triangle described above to picture a three-way covenant.

 FAMILY WORSHIP: Isaac and Rebekah (Genesis 24)
In his book on Worship Stories from Genesis, the Rt. Rev. Willard D. Pendleton suggests ways to accommodate this story for little children, such as dividing the story into 5 sections to read on different days. He also suggests key ideas to discuss. These include

1. The servant was to take a long journey to find a wife for Isaac.
2. The mode of travel. (Camels and their uses.)
3. Why wells were a meeting place.
4. The hospitality of ancient peoples.
5. The Lord’s providence in leading the servant.
6. The giving of gifts.
7. The parents’ consent and Rebekah’s consent.
8. The custom of the veil.
9. The marriage.

 ACTIVITY: Dramatizing the Story of Isaac and Rebekah
Here is a script for acting out key portions of this beautiful story and a pattern for making simple stick puppets—ideal for younger children.

 COLORING PAGES:

Rebekah at the Well by Robert Glenn
Rebekah Gives the Servant Water by Jacqueline S. Bostock
Isaac Greeting Rebekah by Marguerite L. Acton
Isaac Meets Rebekah by Lisa S. Buss

WEDDINGS

“The wedding should be celebrated with festivity.”
(Conjugial Love 309)  

Weddings are a wonderful celebration of the marriage covenant that a couple makes with the Lord.

READ: Instilling the Ideal of Conjugial Love in Little Children by Kurt and Kathy Simons
One way to help our children look to the ideal of true marriage love is to nurture their innocence.

READ: Gifts for a Bride by the Rev. Kurt Horigan Asplundh (for young children)
An illustrated retelling of the story of Isaac and Rebekah.

FAMILY DISCUSSION: Wedding Memories
Talk with your children about your wedding, sharing your memories:
1. Tell them how you met and fell in love.
2. What qualities did you love in your partner?
3. Think about the role of Providence in your friendship, consent, and marriage.
4. Tell your children about your wedding and look at the wedding photos or video.
5. Try to convey the loving feeling you had at the time of your wedding. (This may be especially helpful for children of divorced parents.)
6. Take your children to a wedding, so they can see for themselves that a wedding is a special celebration of the marriage covenant.

 PROJECT: The Joyful Bride (for ages 6-9)
Print, color, cut out, and fold a paper pattern to make a standing bride.

 PROJECT: The Wedding Book (for ages 7-10)
Fill in the blanks to make a precious book about your parents’ wedding.

 PROJECT: Marriage Mobile (for ages 10 and up)
Each of us is touched by a whole series of marriages, going back to our parents and grandparents and working down to our own marriage and that of our children. Picture this with a marriage mobile of a string of hearts made of red paper.

 SING: O Precious Sign

FAMILY DISCUSSION: In Giving This Ring
The bride and groom give each other gifts that are tokens of their everlasting love. They often exchange rings which are symbols of eternity—a circle without end. Wedding rings are often made of gold, a precious metal symbolizing love to the Lord. And sometimes couples inscribe their rings with a hope for their marriage, such as “One heart, one mind, one way.”

Show your children your wedding ring and discuss how it was given to you to show love from your spouse. 

ACTIVITY: Explore Circles (for ages 3-10)
Use a compass (or trace around a plate or a bowl) to make a large circle. Put your finger somewhere on the circle and follow it around. Where does it start? Where does it end? A circle is never ending. This is like marriage—it goes on forever.
Another way to demonstrate this is by rolling a coin with a smooth rim (such as a U.S. nickel) or an embroidery hoop or something else similar in shape to a ring. How far can you get it to roll? Why does it roll so far? Can you see why a circle is a beautiful symbol of eternal marriage?

A WEDDING IN HEAVEN

[T]he bridegroom turned to the bride and placed a gold ring on her finger, and taking out bracelets and a necklace of pearls, he fastened the bracelets on her wrists and the necklace around her neck. Then he said, “Accept these tokens.” And when she accepted them, he kissed her and said, “Now you are mine,” and he called her his wife (Conjugial Love 20).
  

The wedding described in Conjugial Love (20) is between a young man and young woman who died in childhood and were raised by the angels in heaven. It makes sense that there would be weddings in heaven since the Lord can give us the greatest happiness through a true marriage relationship and many people do not find their partners here on earth.

READ: “May There Be a Blessing!” by the Rev. Kurt Horigan Asplundh
An illustrated story for young children about a wedding in heaven.

FAMILY WORSHIP: Read About a Wedding in Heaven
Read the description of A Wedding in Heaven from Conjugial Love 20. To purchase a translation accommodated for children, see Heaven’s Happiness by the Rev. John Odhner, which is available from the New Church Bookstore.

If you have any of the items mentioned in this story—gold ring, pearls, bracelets, crystal glass, wine, small loaves of bread, etc.—show them to your family.

Discussion Ideas:
How is this wedding similar to weddings you have seen?
How is it different?
What did the groom give the bride?
Why was the room filled with a sweet smelling incense?
What did the guests say during the reception after the wedding?

 PROJECT: Picturing a Wedding in Heaven (for ages 7-14)
Read the description and then illustrate your favorite part. Or illustrate several scenes and make them into a book.

 COLORING PAGE: A Wedding in Heaven by Linda S. Odhner 

PROJECT: Planning a Wedding
Children may enjoy planning or imagining a wedding based on the description of the wedding in heaven (Conjugial Love 20). Look at details such as the gems, the colors of their clothing, the number of bridesmaids, the lighting, etc. There is a spiritual reason for each one of these details.

 

THE ROLE OF FRIENDSHIP

When friendship and mutual trust join together
with the first love in marriage, conjugial love results (Conjugial Love 162). 

Friendship is a good preparation for marriage because these relationships can help us learn how to interact with others in a loving way. The qualities that make someone a good friend (honesty, loyalty, kindness, etc.) are the same qualities that make someone a good marriage partner. Also, your best friends tend to be people with whom you have something in common. Friendship is also an essential foundation for a good marriage relationship. Your marriage partner should be your very best friend, so it is important to make sure that you care about the same things and share common values and beliefs.

 PROJECT: A Unique Friendship Bracelet (for ages 10-up)
Make braided friendship bracelets using gold embroidery thread to represent the Lord, red embroidery thread for the wife, and white embroidery thread for the husband.

 ACTIVITY: What Are You Looking For?
Think about 6 qualities that you think are important for friends or a spouse to have. Parents and their older children (or a group of teenagers) might want to make lists independently, then discuss them together.

 PROJECT: The Friendship Heart Card (for ages 11 and up)
This heart could be used to help us think about the role of friendship and trust in opening the hearts of marriage partners and inspiring the enjoyment of conjugial love (see Conjugial Love 162). You may want to color the couple inside the heart.

 ACTIVITY: Spiritual Beauty (for teens and up)
External beauty is based on physical appearance, but inner beauty depends on what a person loves. People who love what is true and good have an inner beauty that will never fade. But people who care only for themselves have a superficial beauty—it is truly only skin-deep. This section offers Quotations from the Word about Beauty and two activities to help you nurture spiritual beauty in yourself: A Collage of Beauty and Beautiful Attributes.

 “Trust in the Lord, and do good…. Commit your way to the Lord,
Trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass….” (Psalm 37:3,5)

To achieve the goal of loving the Lord above all others we need to become agents of His love and wisdom in our daily life. This is not easy, but each step toward achieving this goal makes a person a better marriage partner or friend. Activities that nurture our relationship with the Lord include reading His Word, praying to Him, worshiping Him, obeying His commandments, and taking Holy Supper—a sacrament that the Lord established during His life on earth.

FAMILY WORSHIP: Following the Lord
Read the Ten Commandments (Exodus 20:1-17). Discuss the need to obey the Lord and why this brings true happiness. To “not commit adultery” involves avoiding or rejecting any unchaste action or thought that hurts marriage. 

ACTIVITY: Practice Following the Lord
An older child in the family may write short quotes from the Word on little pieces of paper and make a treasure hunt for a younger child. Either hide the papers in a trail with a part of each paper peeking out so that the trail can be followed, or add a clue on each piece as to where the next one will be found. At the end, the child can be led to something beautiful in nature which the Lord has made. Why? Because the beauty of nature reflects the wonders of heaven, and, if we follow the Lord, He will lead us to the happiness of heaven.

 PROJECT: Make a Spiral to Picture Following the Lord (for ages 8-12)
Following the Lord is a good way to prepare for marriage. If you like, you could cut out a paper spiral and hang it up by attaching a string or ribbon to the center of the spiral. Put a picture of the Lord at the top of the spiral. As children learn verses from Scripture and/or use them in their lives, they earn stickers to be placed on the spiral, starting at the bottom and working their way up toward the Lord.

READ: “The Blessings and Responsibilities of Family” by the Rev. B. David Holm
To build a home in the real sense, married partners must work together and individually toward this highest of human loves—work for it daily by resisting evils that weaken marriages.

The heart symbolizes love or the life of love (Arcana Coelestia 9050:4). To become a good marriage partner we need to develop a heart that is spiritually strong and good. And as parents, we can talk about what kind of behavior is truly loving and try to model loving behavior for our children.

 READ: Inspirational Heart Quotes
These can inspire us in our efforts to develop a good and loving heart to share with another!

 PROJECT: Heart Chain (for ages 3-8 )
Make a chain of hearts to illustrate the love that flows from the Lord to a husband and wife and on to their children.

 PROJECT: Covenant of the Heart (for ages 4-10)
This unique project combines 3 hearts to show marriage as a covenant between the Lord, the wife, and the husband.

 PROJECT: Two Become One (for ages 5-10)
Interlocking hearts picture the way a husband and wife can grow to become one in mind and heart.

ACTIVITY: Marriage Calligraphy
Choose one of the beautiful quotes from the Word relating to marriage and write it in your best handwriting (or use a special font on the computer). Then make a decorative border. You may want to incorporate symbols associated with love and marriage such as flowers, hearts, or doves.