True Marriage Is from the Lord

“Truly conjugial love with its delights comes only from the Lord and is given to those who live according to His commandments.”
(Conjugial Love 534)

True marriage love—conjugial love—is the most special love that the Lord can give us.  He is always leading and preparing us for a happy, eternal marriage.  One of the precious teachings of the New Church is that the Lord will provide happy marriages for all good people—if not here on earth, then in heaven.  If we look to the Lord in our lives, He can bring us closer to the people we love and lead us toward the happiness of heaven.

PROJECT: Looking to the Lord
Marriage is a three-way covenant between the Lord and a husband and a wife.  Some people like to represent this covenant as a triangle with the Lord at the top, the husband on the left, and the wife on the right.  As each partner looks to the Lord, he or she draws closer to Him.  This project illustrates that if both partners are looking to the Lord, they are also moving closer to each other. 

PROJECT:  Covenant of the Heart
Illustrates the concept of marriage as a covenant between the Lord and the husband and the wife.

READ: “Together As One” by the Rev. Grant R. Schnarr

PROJECT: Two Become One
Use 2 interlocking hearts to picture the way a couple can grow to become one in mind and heart.

PROJECT: Make a Spiral to Picture Following the Lord 
Following the Lord is a good way to prepare for marriage.  If you like, you could cut a paper spiral and hang it up by attaching a string or ribbon to the center of the spiral.  Put a picture of the Lord at the top of the spiral.   As children learn verses from Scripture and/or use them in their lives, they earn stickers to be placed on the spiral, starting at the bottom and working their way toward the Lord.

“For people who desire truly conjugial love, the Lord provides similar partners, and if they are not found on earth, He provides them in heaven” (Conjugial Love 229).

It is important to honor the ideal of true marriage love, for this is a very special gift from the Lord that all good people will receive on earth or in heaven.

ACTIVITY:  Honoring Marriage (for little ones)
Have children make a picture of their parents (or color a picture of a married couple) within a golden ring or circle.  Talk with the children about a wedding ring as a symbol of eternity—a circle without end.

READ: “Developing Respect for Marriage” by the Rev. Peter M. Buss, Jr.
This sermon discusses ways that marriage can help people prepare for heaven, describing marriage as  “an intense framework within which two people can practice unselfish love and respect for each other, and so make progress towards heaven.”

ACTIVITY: Valentine Cookies 
Using your favorite recipe for rolled sugar cookies, make some special cookies for Valentine’s Day.  If you want them heart-shaped, use a cookie cutter or cut around a heart template. Before baking them, you can decorate the cookies with cinnamon sugar or “paint” the cookies with egg-yolk paint (1 egg yolk, ½ teaspoon of water, and food dye applied with a clean paint brush).  Or wait and frost the cookies after they have baked (and cooled).

See Prayers on Marriage (for teens and up)
One way to honor marriage is to pray for your marriage—whether or not you are currently married. 

READ: “Instilling the Ideal of Conjugial Love in Little Children” by Kurt and Kathy Simons

SING: “O Precious Sign”

The Nature of Conjugial Love

Heavenly conjugial love consists in one living, content in the Lord, together with one’s partner whom one loves very tenderly, and with one’s children.”
(Arcana Coelestia 5051:2).

The heart symbolizes love or the life of love (Arcana Coelestia 9050:4).  To become a good marriage partner, each of us needs to develop a heart that is spiritually strong and good.  This spiritual growth can strengthen our relationship with the Lord and our marriage relationship (whether or not we are currently married).

PROJECT:  Create in Me a Clean Heart (for older children and up)
This project can help us think about whether our thoughts and actions are creating a clean heart within us or not.  If we are working with the Lord on having a clean heart, it can improve our marriage and our relationship with the Lord as well.

PROJECT: The Lord Helps Us Have a Loving Heart (for little ones)
It is the Lord who gives us true marriage love and who helps us make our hearts “clean.”  So let your children make a picture of the Lord in the center of a large paper heart and put gold glitter all around!

PROJECT: Treasures in Heaven
If you were packing a treasure box for life here on earth, what would you put in it?  (toys, candy, jewels, etc.) What if you were packing the treasure box for heaven?  (love, kindness, loyalty, etc.) Using the picture of two treasure boxes, write what you would put in each box. 

PROJECT: A Treasure Box
Use a simple box, such as a shoebox or a wooden or cardboard box purchased from a craft store to hold spiritual treasures.  These could be some of your favorite quotes from the Word or cards with kind acts that you or others have done, or hopes for your future relationship with the Lord and with other people.  Decorate the box with things that make you think of heaven or spiritual life.

READ: “Looking at the Heart” by the Rev. Patrick A. Rose
This family talk addresses the importance of looking beyond someone’s appearance to what is inside a person’s heart.  When we are choosing a marriage partner, it is important to look at the things that last forever, such as whether a person loves the Lord, His Word, and doing what is right and good.

BOOKMARK: The Nature of Love…(from Conjugial Love 180)
Print out two beautiful bookmarks with quotes about conjugial love.

FOR REFLECTION: Love Based on Friendship (teens and up)
What makes a person a good friend? The qualities that make someone a good friend (honesty, loyalty, kindness, etc.) are the same qualities that make someone a good marriage partner. Also, your best friends tend to be people with whom you have something in common. Your marriage partner should be your very best friend, so it is important that you care about the same things.

• Think about 6 qualities that you think are important for friends or a spouse to have.
• Parents and their older children (or a group of teenagers) might want to make lists independently, then discuss them together.

PROJECT:  The Friendship Heart (teens and up)
This project could be used to help us think about the role of friendship and trust in opening the hearts of marriage partners and inspiring the enjoyment of conjugial love (see CL 162).  You may want to color the couple inside the heart. 

PROJECT:  A Unique Friendship Bracelet
Make braided friendship bracelets using gold embroidery thread to represent the Lord, red embroidery thread for the wife, and white embroidery thread for the husband.

READ: “The Ideal Vision of Marriage Love” by the Rt. Rev. Peter M. Buss
This is excerpted from Before and After Marriage, a book written for older teens.

Marriage Is Eternal

“For people who desire truly conjugial love, the Lord provides similar partners, and if they are not found on earth, He provides them in heaven”
(Conjugial Love 229).

A wedding ceremony in the New Church often includes these words: “O Lord, bless this covenant now being sealed before You, and crown it in Your mercy with eternal life.”  For the New Church embraces the concept of marriage to eternity. Marriage is not just for our lifetime, but forever.

If one does not marry here on earth (or enters into an unhappy marriage), the Lord will provide a wonderful marriage partnership in heaven.  But those who marry here on earth should focus on the eternity of their marriage and cooperate with the Lord to make it a happy one.

PROJECT: Picturing a Married Couple in Heaven
If a husband and wife truly love each other (and are spiritually compatible), then their marriage will continue in heaven.  To illustrate this idea, have children picture someone they know who has died and is now in heaven. 

• If this person was unmarried, picture him or her with a marriage partner provided by the Lord—for He provides partners for all who desire true marriage love.
• If both partners are in the spiritual world, show them together, young and happy.
• If one partner is in the spiritual world and one is still living here on earth, show them together to show that the marriage continues despite the temporary separation of the partners.  One option is to overlay the part of the picture with the partner in the spiritual world with tracing paper to suggest that love connects those who love each other even when death appears to separate them.

PROJECT: An Angel Couple in Heaven (for preschool and primary)
Make stick puppets for the angel husband and wife.  Let the children make a beautiful garden for the angel couple.  They could also make a stick puppet for Emanuel Swedenborg and use all three puppets to dramatize the story about Swedenborg meeting an angel couple—a simplified version of Conjugial Love 42.  (Note: This project uses portions of the Glenview Preschool Sunday School Lesson 2.34, featured in this month’s website.)

READ:  “Anna Discovers the Wonders of Heaven,” a story for children by Gretchen L. Keith

READ A POEM: They Shall Become One
In a good marriage, the husband and wife are united in their outlook on life.  See how the human body illustrates this concept as two ears make one hearing, etc.

PROJECT: Growing Younger in Heaven
One of the beautiful teachings of the New Church is that when people die and are taken to the spiritual world, they are gradually made young once again.  The good and truth that they love remains with them, but they are no longer hindered by physical ailments and the effects of aging.  It can be comforting to think of someone who dies experiencing good health.

To illustrate this idea, have children draw a picture of an older couple (perhaps their grandparents) on the lower half of the page and fold in half.  Now draw a younger looking couple to show what they will look like in heaven. 
OR
Let children make stick puppets.  On one side draw a person with a beautiful face with black, brown, red, or blond hair.  On the other side, draw someone who is growing old and has gray or white hair.  They could also draw lots of lines or wrinkles on the faces of the older people.  Have them show the older side of the puppets as you talk about people dying in old age and going to heaven.  Then have them turn the stick puppets to show the healthy, young spiritual bodies that the Lord gives to them.  Show how happy they are to be together in heaven!

FOR REFLECTION: The Perspective of Eternity
In “An Eternal Perspective,” the Rev. Brian W. Keith writes, “An eternal perspective is vital in our attitudes towards marriage.  If we view it only in terms of romance or the joy of living with another, arguments or times when the inner love is not felt could be taken as a signal that the relationship should be ended.  Indeed, if marriage is thought of as simply something of this world, then most couples will not struggle through the difficulties to reap the rewards of joy later on.  But where there is a firm belief that the basis for genuine marriage love is in two people forming one human being over the course of a lifetime here and in the next world, there is a strength to face and eventually overcome the frustrations and difficulties inherent in any relationship.”

• How can having an eternal perspective on marriage help your marriage?
• How might it impact your decision-making?  Your reaction to disagreements or disappointment?  Your enthusiasm for making yourself a better person and marriage partner? 

ACTIVITY:  I Will Love You Forever—A Spiritual Valentine (for teens and adults)
The Lord will provide every good person with a beautiful partnership here on earth or in heaven.  Here are several activities which can help us look toward eternity in marriage:

• Write a letter about your hopes for the eternity of your marriage, whatever your current stage of life.
• Envision what you would like to be like as a person five years from now.  What would you need to do to become that person?  Write down your goals and work toward making them a reality in your life.
• Single people could keep a journal, periodically noting thoughts and feelings that you might like to share with a future spouse.
• Married partners could surprise each other with a letter written from the heart.  Reflect on the blessings in your marriage and wonderful times together. Write them down on special paper or use a computer to make a beautiful letter to print, perhaps incorporating a photograph of you together.  Try adding a title such as: “I Will Love You Forever” or “Ten Favorite Memories of You” or “I Love, Honor, and Cherish You.”
• People who are widowed could write to their marriage partner (who is in the spiritual world) about their continuing love and longing to be reunited.