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THE USES OF CHILDREN FOR MARRIAGE

by the Rev. K. R. Alden

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb is His reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one's youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them; they shall not be ashamed, but shall speak with their enemies in the gate (Psalm 127:3-5).

In Arcana Coelestia (5051) we read of an experience which Emanuel Swedenborg once had:

In a quiet dream, I saw some trees that were planted in a wooden receptacle. One of them was tall, another lower, and two were small. The lower trees delighted me most; and at the same time a most pleasant quiet, such as I cannot express, affected my mind. When I awoke, I spoke with the angelic spirits who had induced the dream. They told me what was signified by it, namely, Conjugial Love; the tall tree signifying the husband, the lower tree the wife, and the two small trees the children. They said further that the very pleasant quiet, which had affected my mind, indicated the pleasantness of peace, enjoyed in the other life by those who have lived together in genuine conjugial love.

The first place of children, then, in the Divine Plan, is in relationship to the growth and building up of Conjugial Love. Swedenborg's beautiful vision, and the indescribably quiet peace that attended it, was a heavenly representation of the family unit consisting of father and mother and children. For we are taught that one of the sources of holiness and sanctity in marriage springs from the fact that it is the seedbed of the human race, and that which is the seedbed of the human race is also the seedbed of the angelic heavens. Conjugial Love, which is the love of loves with the angels and which is promised to the New Church, is knit together, purified, and established by means of the love of infants and children. In Conjugial Love 176 we read, "The education of offspring is the primary use requiring the cooperation of father and mother." There is a very real sense in which it is true that the Lord gives us children, not because the children need us as parents, but because we need the children, so that our own entrance into conjugial love may thereby be assured and made firm.

All responsibility brings with it delight. This is of the Divine Providence so that uses may be performed. And with every use there is a "loaned" sphere at its beginning so that people may be encouraged to enter into the use more fully and have the courage and endurance to undergo the temptations and difficulties which must be encountered before the work is finished. This is a universal law. It is seen in marriage, where the first state is one of almost open communication with the celestial heavens and their innocence. And it may be seen in the conception of any new project. There is always a supreme delight when the first vision of the completed work unfolds itself before the mind. And so a foretaste of the joy of a use is given at its beginning. Were it not for this universal law, people would never be inspired to undertake the great tasks and mighty responsibilities which make up life's journey through this world.

When we apply this universal doctrine to the subject at hand, we find that the Lord inspires parents with a new delight-the love of infants-a delight which is second only to conjugial love itself. This great delight is given by the Lord in order that parents may be moved to undertake the great responsibilities connected with children, that they may assume them with happy, eager hearts, and that they may faithfully carry them through.

The Heavenly Doctrines tell us about the way in which this love of infants is inspired with parents. It is brought about through the sphere of innocence in which the Lord Himself is present. For, we are told that innocence forms the nexus which connects and binds parents to their children. This state of innocence is imparted by the angels that are with all people, through their senses, affecting them with delight when they see infants-lifting their souls with joy when they hear the first innocent sounds of infant speech. It is especially conveyed by the sense of touch, for the touch of an infant seems to bring deep peace to the very soul. Thus, the innocence of an infant awakens the remains of innocence stored up in an adult. In this heavenly Eden they meet and, as it were, sip the sweetness of eternal life. The adult is carried upward in thought and spirit to the Lord in the midst of the sun of heaven, to have a glorious vision of the outpouring of life from the Divine. So "children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb is His reward." They bring with them a foretaste of heaven and open to the husband and wife the delights of a new responsibility.

The first use of children, then, is to build up Conjugial Love. The second use is so that people may have a new inspiration for regenerating.

Let us think for the moment of the virtues that may be gained from our contact with children. With children there is innocence, breathing forth its close touch with heaven; there are sweetness and purity which are images of the regenerated will and understanding; there are trustfulness and humility, symbols of our regenerate relationship to the Lord God of heaven; there are gentleness and forbearance to be learned, in which the seeds of charity can grow to be mighty forces of character; and, last of all, there is the great lesson of forgiveness to be learned from our children. Only the forgiving heart can come into the kingdom of heaven. "Forgive us our debts, as we also forgive our debtors." As the Heavenly Father forgives the trespasses of His children, so must we, as parents, cultivate the habit of forgiveness toward our own children. Much can be done by wise parents who love their children with a spiritual love, for their interactions are destined to impress their children to all eternity.

One of the greatest duties of parents, so the Heavenly Doctrines tell us, is to instill in them the affirmative principle. Hell is a monstrous negation. There God is denied, the sun of heaven is turned into darkness, the moon of faith does not give her light, and all the stars of cognitions and knowledges of heavenly things have fallen to the earth. All has been swallowed up in a terrible negation. Against this sphere of denial, we must fight and never cease battle. And to the children entrusted to our care we must impart the affirmative attitude, for all heaven is one joyful affirmation of the Lord's leading and guidance. All heaven chants "amen" to the glory of God, and angelic choirs are forever entering more and more deeply into the beauty and harmony and eternal truth of the revealed Divine Word.

Wise parents will never identify their children with themselves. To do this is to love them naturally, and we are warned against this type of love in revelation, where we find the spiritual love of children sharply contrasted with the natural love of children in the following passage:

Spiritual fathers and mothers, after they have sipped the sweetness of innocence in their infants, love their children quite differently than do natural fathers and mothers. The spiritual love their children from their spiritual intelligence and moral life, thus they love them from the fear of God, and from actual piety, or that of the life, and at the same time from their affection for and application to uses which are of service to society, thus from the virtues and good manners in them. it is chiefly from the love of these things that they provide for and administer to their necessities; therefore if they do not see these things in them, they alienate their minds from them; and only care for them from a sense of obligation.

Natural fathers and mothers, on the other hand, cling even to the faults of their children. In the after life spiritual fathers are content to meet their children that have died before, and inquire their state, and instruct them to call only the Lord father. But natural parents seek to hold their children to them even when some have become Satans. Such are shut up for a time in hell until all are judged and dispersed each to his own place. (Conjugial Love 405)

When we meditate upon the regenerating truths that can be learned from contemplating childhood, we can truly exclaim with Isaiah, "And a little child shall lead them" (Isaiah 11:6). The Lord Himself could not have accomplished the work of redeeming and saving the world except through entering the world as a little child. "Unto us a child is born, unto us a Son is given; and the government shall be upon His shoulder; and His name shall be called Wonderful, Counselor, God the might; Father of Eternity; Prince of Peace." Nor can we ever forget the part that children played in the Lord's ministry. What tender care He exercised over them! On one occasion we see Him calling them to Himself, when the disciples had forbid them, crying out, "Let the little children come to Me and do not forbid them, for of such is the kingdom of heaven." We see Him placing a child in the midst of the disciples; we see Him taking them up in His arms, putting His hands upon them and blessing them; we hear Him saying, "unless you become as one of them, you cannot enter the kingdom of heaven."

Children are given to us so that we may see the beauty of eternal values, on the ultimate plane and in forms we cannot fail to recognize, in this world. The highest value of children is that which present in the internal sense of the Word which is revealed in the Heavenly Doctrines. In heaven, we are told, no natural offspring are born from a conjugial pair, but in their place truths of innocence are born. As we enter more and more deeply into the understanding of spiritual life, these spiritual offspring become more and more real to us. In fact, natural offspring, compared to spiritual offspring, are as nothing, for spiritual offspring are the fruits and rewards of the regenerate life; they are the signs of eternal salvation.

Consider for a moment the fact that at the age of one hundred Abraham had only two sons, yet at the time of the Exodus from Egypt his direct descendants numbered more than two million! This pictures the increase and extension of truths. One truth, conceived and made living in this world, may give birth to millions in the life to come, for in every truth which is infilled by the good of life there is the infinite power of extension to all the societies of the heavens, even to eternity. The angels of heaven do not think of our earthly children as our real children; they call the fruits of truth from good (or of faith from charity) "children" (see Arcana Coelestia 3179).

Thus, in the internal sense, Psalm 127 teaches about the joy and rewards of people who are willing to be instructed by the Lord in His truths, for these are a heritage that is denied to none, one that will bear fruit to eternal life. Psalm 127 teaches that the Church, both with individuals and with people in general, is built up by the Lord alone. It points out the blessed peace that comes to all who enter into temptation and pass successfully through it-a peace which "He gives His beloved in sleep." It ends with the blessing of eternal life: when people have received the truths of faith and brought the goods of life forth from them, they no longer need to fear the infestation of the hells. Their enemies, from that time forth, are powerless to destroy them.

Unless the Lord builds the house they labor in vain who build it; unless the Lord guards the city, the watchman stays awake in vain. It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows; for so He gives His beloved sleep. Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb is His reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one's youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them; they shall not be ashamed, but shall speak with their enemies in the gate. (Psalm 127)

Printable Version: childrenandmarriage.pdf

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