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How do I start a small group?

It's so simple! Talk to friends and neighbors. See what the need is out there. There is no wrong way to approach this. Some groups develop by interested people coming together, and later deciding what they are about. Some actually form out of a need to perform a task. Some have a common characteristic, such as a gathering of women, or married couples. Some have a theme in mind that is the focus, such as reading a certain portion of the Writings of Emanuel Swedenborg.

If you are in a church society, one suggestion is to initiate a meeting of anyone who is interested in starting small groups. It would be ideal to have a network in your congregation where everyone felt that they could connect with a certain group.

Find out who would like to be a leader. Where there are leaders, there are people waiting to be led. Start with one group if that is what the need is, and expand from there. As a group grows, split it in two and grow those until they can split again etc.

What should we talk about at the first meeting?

1. Clarify about where and when to meet, and how frequently (we recommend weekly).
2. Get people to make a contract about how long the group will be in existence. This includes dealing with things like summer or winter breaks.
3. Go over the ground rules; approving, adding, or subtracting.
4. Decide on the primary focus of the group: prayer, sharing, learning, doing, etc.
5. Adopt a group task

What if my group does not meet all of these expectations? What if I'm doing something wrong as a leader?

The Lord has an answer for this one. Remember the core purpose of having a group and it is almost impossible to go wrong. The Lord says: "For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them" (Matthew 18:20). If this is the focus of the group, then any difficulties that arise will not be failures but healthy growing experiences.

How can I get trained as a leader?

Look to your local pastor to find out if there is a leadership-training course in session or to find support in training. If local training is unavailable, the following books are useful to understand the key components of leading a small group: Leading Life-Changing Small Groups-Bill P. Donahue, Willow Creek Small Groups Team, How to Lead Small Groups-Neal F. McBride, Nine Keys to Effective Small Group Leadership-Carl F. George, Warren Bird, Robert E. Coleman, Leading Small Groups; Basic Skills for Church and Community Organizations-Nathan W. Turner.

As a leader, what should my attitude look like?

1. The leader has great interest in the proceedings, in the members of the groups and in the ideas of the group.
2. The leader believes that, with proper leadership, the members of the group are able to discuss the subject effectively.
3. The leader has great respect for the thinking and feeling of each participant. He or she may not agree with each person, but respects their rights to their opinions.
4. The leader believes that if a friendly and safe atmosphere is created, the people will think more freely and constructively.
5. The leader believes that an attitude of patience and tolerance will assist him or her in conducting a successful discussion.
6. The leader has no favorites in the group.
7. The leader does not pre-judge statements made by participants.
8. The leader believes that his or her behavior and responses will help expand the thinking of the participants.

What does a leader DO?

1. The leader states the questions to be discussed in a clear and concise manner.
2. The leader concentrates on understanding the ideas, feelings, and sentiments of the participants.
3. The leader uses restatements and questions to verify the leader's understanding, to help participants understand each other, and help them understand their thinking.
4. The leader invites participants to share their comments and opinions.
5. The leader summarizes statements of varying opinions relating to the topic being discussed.
6. The leader suggests areas of discussion not covered by the group.
7. The leader does not impose his or her thinking, conclusions or judgments on the group.
8. The leader implements the small group guidelines; for example, maintaining that one individual does not dominate the group and that one individual is not isolated or left out of discussions.

As a leader, how do I get the discussion started?

To get the discussion started the leader might ask questions like these:

1. Who wants to start the discussion?
2. Who will start the discussion?
3. What problems do you see here, if any?

How does a leader attract others into the discussion?

1. How do the rest of you feel about this problem?
2. Are there any further thoughts on this matter?
3. Would anyone else care to comment?
4. Some of you have expressed your thoughts, how about the rest of you?

How does a leader give participants the space to develop their ideas more clearly or elaborate on a certain point?

1. What do you have in mind?
2. How about giving us an example?
3. Would you like to develop that point a little further?
4. If I understand you correctly, were you making this point...? (pause)
5. Would you tell us a little more about your thinking on that matter?

How do I, as a leader, get reactions and cause participants to think about the meaning of the item involved?

1. What is your reaction to this?
2. What problems do you see here?
3. How do you feel about this?

How do I, as a leader, cause participants to consider the effect of their suggestions on others?

1. That do you think that might do?
2. If you were the responsible person how would that sound to you?
3. What do you think those responsible would say to that?

How do I discourage irrelevant discussion?

1. How does that point fit in with the general subject?
2. Do you see a parallel between your situation and the one we are discussing?
3. If I understand you, your point is similar to the one we are discussing in this way...?

How do I discourage one or two members from dominating the meeting?

1. Charley and Wanda have stated their points of view at some length. How do the rest of you see the question?
2. George has worked pretty hard at giving his thoughts. What do some of the rest of you think?
3. Jill (a member who indicated that he wanted to talk), you've been sitting on the edge of your chair for some time. Why don't you get started?
4. Pete, you want to get into this. Why can't we give Pete a chance?

How do I discourage "side conversations"?

Side conversations often indicate a keen interest in the subject, and some of the participants are unable to wait their turn to speak. They can usually be controlled if the leader invited the participants involved to offer their ideas to the entire group with the following suggestions:

1. I don't believe all of us got the point you were making. Would one of you repeat it for all of us?
2. We were having an interesting talk here in front. Would you people go over that again for the rest of the group?

How do I discourage direct questions to the leader?

1. That's a good question. How do the rest of you feel about it?
2. Joe wants to know...Who wants to give him an answer?
3. Pauline is interested in...Can we help her out? What do you think?

Although the leader may convince the group that he or she has no authoritative answers, occasionally the group will press the leader for opinions on the subject. If the leader feels that a failure to respond will reduce rapport with the group, he or she should offer an opinion, stressing that it carries no more weight than any one else in the group. The usual result is that the group will not ask for the leader's opinion again.

What are some problematic roles individuals take on?

Non-Functional Roles in Groups

When an individual in a group tries to satisfy individual needs which are irrelevant to the group task and which have a negative effect on group building, he/she creates problems for the group. If there is a great amount of this non-functional behavior, there is a need for the group self-diagnosis. A mere suppression of these non-functional roles will deprive the group of the opportunity for adequate self-analysis.

1. The AGGRESSOR may work in many ways to deflate the status of others, expressing disapproval of the values of feelings of others, attacking the group or the problem it is working on, joking aggressively, showing envy toward another's contribution by trying to take credits for it, and so on.
2. The BLOCKER tends to be negative and stubbornly resistant, disagreeing beyond reason or attempting to maintain or even bring back an issue after the group has rejected or by-passed it.
3. The RECOGNITION-SEEKER works in various ways to call attention to him/herself whether through boasting, reporting on personal achievements, acting in unusual ways, struggling to prevent his/her being placed in an inferior position, and so on.
4. The SELF-CONFESSOR uses the groups as an audience to express personal, non group-oriented feeling, insight, ideas, etc.
5. The ADVICE-GIVER tries to be helpful by responding to something another has said with advice, and is often puzzled that this is not well received.
6. The DISTRACTER makes a display of a lack of involvement in the group's processes. This may take the form of cynicism, nonchalance, boredom, horseplay, and so on.
7. The DOMINATOR tries to assert authority or superiority in manipulating the group or certain members of the group. This domination may take the form of flattery, of asserting a superior status or right to attention, giving directions authoritatively, interrupting the contributions of others, etc.
8. The HELP-SEEKER attempts to call forth sympathy responses from the other group members or from the whole group, whether through expressions of insecurity, personal confusion or depreciation of him/herself beyond reason.
9. The SPECIAL-INTEREST PLEADER tries to speak on behalf of some group (the needs of the young, the poor, housewives, etc.) usually cloaking his/her own prejudice or biases in the stereotype, which best fits his/her individual needs.

How can I maintain a healthy group?

Any group is strengthened and enabled to work more efficiently if its members:

1. Become conscious of the functions the group needs at any one time.
2. Find out the degree to which they are helping to meet these needs through what they do.
3. Undertake effective self-training to improve their ability to function effectively.

How do I facilitate a positive group experience?

Good Group Experiences Don't Just Happen

1. Sharing is Essential. Your thoughts, feelings, and experiences are the life-stuff of this group. We all need them in order that insights may be discovered, understanding deepened and growth achieved.
2. Express FEELINGS, not just ideas. Feelings are the best indicator of what people value. TO do this you must be in touch with your feelings. Take time to reflect on them and try to identify them clearly.
3. Expressing NEGATIVE FEELING can, on occasion, also be helpful. Unexpressed feelings simply set up blocks or dribble away in unproductive ways.
4. Respect, care about, SUPPRT EACH PERSON IN THE GROUP. The more confidence each feels, the more anxiety diminished and the more deeply we can explore the topics before us.
5. SUPPORT NEEDS TO BE EXPRESSED. Don't presume that people somehow know you are feeling supportive. They won't, unless you show that you are.
6. OUR GROUP GOAL IS NOT WINNING BUT GROWING. Don't water down your positions, but do state them in a way which allows people room for positive response.
7. Fruitful discussion requires OPENNESS TO CHANGE.
8. STICK TO THE POINT. Don't wander.
9. SPEAK FOR YOURSELF> Avoid using "we" when you mean "I." Don't speak for the groups without giving others a chance to agree or disagree.
10. DON'T USE "I" SUBSTITUTES such as "one would think" or "any rational person would agree." Take responsibility for what you say.
11. MOSTLY SPEAK ABOUT YOURSELF. Growth occurs chiefly when the group applies the topic to their own lives.
12. HELP OTHERS EXPLORE AND DEVELOP the ideas and feelings they are expressing.
13. SAY IT IN THE GROUP. The things you say to your friends about the group before, after or between meetings are often the very things which should be said in the group. There should be only one conversation at a time going on in the group.
14. MAKE THE MEETINGS. If one person misses a meeting, the dynamics of the groups change. And it often happens that the one who was absent cannot be brought up-to-date because he did not experience what really happened. The group needs to have you present.
15. ENJOY YOURSELF. Life is too short to spend time doing things you don't like. Help others enjoy themselves by warmth, friendship and caring.
16. Above all-CONFIDENTIALITY is important. Whatever is said in the group must be kept in trust. The only one we can talk about outside the group is ourself.

How do I help my group to be good listeners?

Ten Rules For Good Listening

1. Stop talking. You cannot listen if you are talking.
2. Put the speaker at ease. Help the speaker feel free to talk.
3. Show that you want to listen. Look and act interested. Do not read your mail while the person talks. Listen to understand rather than to oppose.
4. Remove distractions. Don't doodle, tap, or shuffle papers. It might be more quiet if you would shut the door.
5. Empathize with the speaker. Try to put yourself in the speaker's place so that you can see his or her point of view.
6. Be patient. Allow platy of time. Do not interrupt. Don't start for the door or walk away.
7. Hold your temper. An angry person gets the wrong meaning from words.
8. Be cautious with arguments and criticism-they will put the speaker on defensive. He or she may withdraw or become angry. Don't argue-even if you win, you lose.
9. Ask questions. This encourages the speaker and shows you are listening. It helps to develop points further.
10. Stop talking. This is the first and last because all other rules depend on it. You just cannot listen well while you are talking.

What does a healthy small group look like?

Requirements for Healthy Small Groups

"The 7 C's"

• Covenant or Contract: A shared understanding of the group's purpose and the general means that will be used to achieve that purpose.
• Commitments: The disciplines, which the group is willing to adopt in order to accomplish its purpose.
• Caring: The quality of life together in which members learn how to love each other and develop caring in all of life.
• Content: The growing edge of study and reflection usually centering in the Scripture in order to know God and ourselves better.
• Communication: The Glue which binds all relationships together and which connects members with each other and, through prayer, with God.
• Crying, Conflict, and Congruence: Feelings are an important part of life together and need not be denied, delayed or despised.
• Jesus Christ: The Center of Community without whom good meeting can be held but life will not be transformed.