by Nita Holmes

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I recently asked two young men, whom I know quite well, what comes to mind when they think about marriage and the eternity of marriage. One young man in his late teens said, "It's very important to make a good choice of a partner." The other in his mid twenties said that it made him realize that in the scheme of things he needs to feel no rush to hurry and settle down.

I serve as Director of Marriage and Family Programs for the Bryn Athyn Church. During a meeting a couple of years ago I had a very enlightening experience. We were pondering how to develop programs to support the development of spiritually healthy marriages and families. The myriad differing needs and states involved in marriage and family made our task appear daunting. One wise person finally said, "When it boils down to it, it's about each individual doing their own life's work of regeneration, without that there can be no real marriage."

I believe strongly in teaching good communication skills, understanding the natural dynamics of families and human systems, but underneath it all is the work of creating a new will. This is the process of learning how to truly love. As we move from adolescence to adulthood we must first embrace what it means to be a neighbor to ourselves. Do we take ourselves seriously enough to pursue what we think we are interested in? Do we have the strength to build a strong body and mind that will house our soul on this earth? I have often been asked to be a guest speaker in the high school.

One of my favorite activities is discussing with students the type of person they hope to marry. After students spend some time exploring the personal qualities they seek in a future partner, I ask a question: "What type of qualities do you need to have in order for the person to be attracted to you and enhance the success of your marriage?" Usually the room goes to almost dead silence. Embedded in this question is the more penetrating question of who am I and what do I really love? How can my thoughts and actions demonstrate these loves?

Near the end of the conversation some young adults may articulate a need to build a better relationship with the Lord. We know that God's goal is for us to be happy to eternity. So whether or not we are currently in a relationship, our personal work is to pursue that which gives us a sense of purpose and brings genuine delight. If we do this, surely the Lord through his Providence will lead us to a marriage of love. In a marriage of love each partner resonates so much with the qualities and loves of the other that they are willing to foster and sacrifice in ways that support their partner and build the marriage.

A strong marriage has untold positive effect in both the natural and the spiritual world. So whether you are married or single you are on the path now.