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Day Six: Healthy Conflict Resolution

Conflict in a relationship can be resolved in a healthy way when we look to the Lord and His higher purposes rather than to our own selfish desires. The first step is being willing to face a conflict. The next step is facing it in a healthy way. In a healthy relationship, each person sees and acknowledges an issue and raises it with the other person in a sphere of honesty and trust. Together, they seek a positive resolution. This can happen only to the extent that an atmosphere of safety and trust has already been established. If raising sensitive issues in the past has resulted in anger, defensiveness, and pain, people will be reluctant to speak up, hoping that the problems will go away. It seems better to "swallow" the issue rather than risk upset. Unfortunately, few problems go away by themselves, and anger and resentment keep on growing.

Resolving Arguments

Sensitive matters can be raised with the other person’s understanding and permission by setting aside a definite time to discuss the issue when both people can give the matter full attention and respect. Using "I" statements, rather than "you" statements lessens the threat of judgments and the defensiveness they arouse. Feelings are heard and validated, and the listening partner resists the temptation to interrupt or to justify herself. The real core of the issue is what matters – the feelings at the heart of it – rather than the stories and events that have taken place. It is helpful to put limits on the time given to conflict resolution. If destructive behavior takes over, the people need to agree to stop the session for a while to keep from damaging their relationship.

If the people get practice at resolving small, relatively easy issues, they will develop the trust and skills needed for handling larger problems. A healthy relationship can actually welcome problems as challenges to aid in further personal growth.

Offering and Accepting Help
Today, how did I offer help?
Today, how did I accept help?

Reflections
Who is someone you are currently in conflict with? How can you look to the Lord and improve the health of this relationship?

Download this Reflection in printable form. (PDF)

Discussion Board
Share your thoughts on today's Journey in the discussion board.

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