Dealing with Stress
When many people are demanding too many things from you, where do you wish you were? I picture myself on a beach on a South Pacific island with just my wife and no one else in sight. Just thinking about it now I can feel myself starting to relax; I can feel the release of lying for days on end in a hammock slung between two palm trees.
Maybe I get my dream vacation, but then what? It’s back to reality, to demands and deadlines and disappointed people. Now I can’t wait until my next vacation when I can finally enjoy life again!
We know that this is not the way life is supposed to work. You are supposed to enjoy the time between vacations, and even the time between weekends. But how do you cope with the stress of daily living without quitting your job and becoming a yogi at the top of a mountain?
HERE ARE SOME THINGS TO CONSIDER:
It’s what, not if
When we are stressed, we think about ways we could get out of it. “If only I was somewhere else; if I won the lottery; if my boss was fired and I got a nice one; if my children would just learn to behave like I had to when I was growing up.” As if those things would make life stress free.
All situations carry stress with them, and in many cases stress is good. You have to choose which stress you want in your life. Which is more stressful, being overweight and unfit or exercising regularly? Working long hours or having no job? Struggling to stand up to a demanding person or simmering in anger after caving in to her demands? The guilty conscience of a lie or the short-term consequence of the truth coming out? Even lying in that hammock in the South Pacific would be stressful when the food ran out or when boredom set in.
Examine your life to see where you are taking on unproductive stress that you could easily trade for good stress. It still takes work to deal with good stress, but it’s work that is worth the effort. And if you can think of the work as trading one stress for another, it’s easier to rise to the challenge of doing the right thing.
If you can start to choose your stress rather than evade it, the stress in your life will become much more manageable. But coping with stress takes more than trading stressors.
First things first
Stress often comes when we don’t get to things that are important. You might feel agitated when you are caught in traffic and arrive late. But why were you late? Perhaps you got caught up in some unimportant busy work. You would not be nearly as stressed if a genuine crisis put you behind schedule.
A lot of the stress in our life comes because our priorities are out of order. We want time for our relationships, but we get too busy. In hard economic times we spend our time thinking about how to make ends meet. Jesus said, “Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’. . .But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.” (Matthew 6:31, 33)
What does that mean in today’s environment? Ask yourself whether your lifestyle is beyond what you need to be happy. How much is enough? When can you focus more on enjoying and less on earning? Perhaps a little “downward mobility” would help you become a better, more spiritual person.
“First things first” means you can start out each day putting the most important things in place. If you make fifteen minutes of quiet time to pray and read a chapter of Scripture to start your day, you have put first things first. If you schedule a date with your child this weekend, you’ve put first things first. If you do one thing today because it is the Lord’s will, you put first things first. Doing these things will not make other stresses go away. They will help you deal with stress better because of the peace that comes from having your priorities in order.
Exercise integrity in the moment
We’ve all been under stress and made poor decisions. These decisions cause even more tension as we frantically try to undo the mess we’ve made. Next time you face a hard decision, stop and ask yourself, “If the Lord were standing right next to me, what would He say I should decide?” Often you’ll know right away what the correct answer is.
Living in the moment
Jesus said, “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble” (Matthew 6:34). “Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” Interesting words. They mean that you have enough trouble today without adding worrying about tomorrow. What if you could focus right now only on what you are doing and seek to find the enjoyment in it? A Buddhist monk, Thich Nhat Hanh once said, “When you wash a dish, wash it as if you were doing nothing else. Notice the smooth texture of the dish as the soapy water slides over the dish. Notice the squeaky feeling once you have rinsed it.”
Living in the present is living in the presence of God. In Scripture we’re told, “Be still and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10). You can’t know God when you are rushing around but rather when you are inwardly still. When God is present, you can handle anything.
In the Lord’s prayer we say, “Give us this day our daily bread.” That means, “Give me the spiritual food I need today; give me the strength and love I need to carry on through this day.” We don’t ask for food for tomorrow or the next day, but for today. What do I need to do right now to do what’s right? Do I have the strength to do what I need to right now?
Imagine someone running a marathon who is continually counting the steps he or she has to take before finishing. Even a fast marathoner takes over 30,000 steps. If you have taken 5,000 and are still looking at 25,000 to go, you’ll want to quit! But if you focus on running for the next minute at a relaxed pace, you’ll do fine.
Life is stressful. Some of the stress is good for us and helps us grow. We need to embrace that, even if it means a bit of pain now. Other stress is unproductive, and we need to learn the discipline to make choices. Sometimes it means saying no to things, and that’s hard. At others it means setting priorities so we get what is important done. In the end, it means giving our lives over to a loving God and asking for His help in leading us.
Jesus said, “Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled. Neither let it be afraid.” (John 14:27)
By Rev. Erik Buss, pastor of the New Church Westville in South Africa
