Personal Stories
Jason's Story
"I believe that Bible stories are allegories for the challenges we face in our own lives, offering us hope and strength to go on."
One evening in 1999, I found myself in my pastor's office hearing words that struck me as ludicrously inappropriate. I had just recounted the horrors that had become my life — my wife was cheating on me and our marriage was at crisis-point. Sitting there, wounded and weak, I wanted answers and I wanted deliverance. Instead my pastor said to me, "I envy you." To say I was dumbfounded and furious would be an understatement. How could someone envy the level of trauma that was crushing my life? In what felt like an extreme act of charity, I decided to hear him out.
He went on to explain that he envied the spiritual journey I was embarking upon: I would experience something that would test me to my core and, if I survived, it would reward me many times over. He didn't sugarcoat the situation or pretend that the path ahead would be easy. He was upfront about the despair that I would still encounter but said that if I asked for help, I would find it. I would find it in my family, my friends, and, most importantly, in my faith.
My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?
A union that was supposed to be unbreakable had shattered. Alone and abandoned, I turned to the only place that offered me comfort: the Word. My search took me to the Good Friday story. There was something about Jesus' words on the cross that seemed to speak directly to me. Nothing during or since my experience has summed up my own feelings of despair more aptly than, "My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?" It gave my grief a voice. What began as a wail evolved into an intimate plea for strength.
I thirst
In the earliest stages of my journey, sleep evaded me and despair became my only companion at night. The death of our marriage provided nourishment for devils of the worst kind. Some nights, the only reprieve I could find was in emptying a bottle of scotch to drown my consciousness. It was a short-lived distraction and I yearned for real peace. On the cross, Jesus cried out, "I thirst". This soon became a statement of my own thirst for the Lord's truths. Turning to the Word helped me to resist self-destructive patterns. My relationship with my Lord deepened as His truths began to purify the evil surrounding my state.
Father forgive them, for they know not what they do
The New Church teaches that marriage can last forever and I had always assumed that mine would. When it failed, I seized resentment and judgment as my weapons. I saw myself as righteously standing for marriage while my ex-wife plunged into sin. Initially, Jesus' words: "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do" were a prop for my wounded ego. As the horrors of her infidelity were further revealed, my misguided superiority tightened around these words. But over time, the Lord helped me to see His words not as a judgment, but as a path to true forgiveness.
Father, into your hands I commend my spirit
The realization that a broken marriage is irreparable is a humbling moment. I'd given everything I had to making it work. Instead of feeling bitterness, I tried to direct my thoughts towards the belief that the entire process was preparing me for the next marriage gifted to me — a union that truly would last eternally. Jesus' words, "Father, into Your hands I commend My spirit", became the expression of my commitment to the marital path that the Lord had planned for my life. I had to trust that the He would lead me to a Rock higher than I.
It is finished!
In a wedding, the bestowing of rings is a symbolic act of eternal commitment made in the presence of friends, family, and God. The dissolution of a marriage stands in direct contrast: it is a private conversation between you and God. As I took off my wedding ring, I distinctly remember thinking the words: "It is finished!" It was a moment of both sadness and relief. The marriage to my ex-wife would not last, but I had grown into a man worthy of being a husband to someone else in the future.
The New Church teaches that the Word is as relevant today as it was 2000 years ago. In my own life, I've witnessed the power of a bible story as a source of hope and strength. Jesus' physical death on the cross was followed by his Resurrection and Ascension on Easter Sunday. The Human race was then given the greatest gift — a path to eternal salvation. The Good Friday of my life was also followed by an Easter Sunday. A few years later, I was led to an amazing woman who embodies what I love about marriage. My journey to her was an indescribable blessing and, on July 19th, 2003, we were married. Four years later on Easter Monday of that year, we welcomed our first child, a beautiful daughter, into this world. Now I wake up to Easter Sunday everyday — a reality that is all the sweeter for having lived through Good Friday.