Personal Stories
Ellen's Story
“New Church teachings have given me life and met the needs of my soul…”
My first contact with the New Church was a memorial service for the mother of one of my friends. The thing that struck me during that service was how certain everybody seemed to be about her eternal destination. There was calm and peace and joy in the midst of grief and loss. Having just lost my own mom, this service brought up a lot of issues for me. I feared that in my almost 20 years of being a “New Testament Christian,” I had done more to take away from my Mom’s faith than to honor it because of my conservative beliefs. I feared that part of the difficulty she experienced in letting go and dying was related to her uncertainty about her eternity. I no longer felt I could support such an exclusionary doctrine. I was in spiritual crisis.
After that service, I had a conversation with a member of the New Church who listened carefully to my questions and doubts and confusion. Though the conversation was brief, his response was life-giving. Since that memorial service, I have experienced a number of teachings that have given me that same sense of giving life, of meeting the needs of my soul. Here are some of them:
I love the definition that was given to me of the New Church: “A non-denominational Christian church which looks for and honors the goodness and truth in all religions and in all cultures--including agnosticism and atheism.” I love that it is an active process. The New Church doesn’t just notice the truth, it goes looking for it. And it doesn’t just tolerate the beliefs of others, it honors the goodness and truth in them. I no longer sit in judgment of others, thinking “if only they knew the real truth.” God is everywhere, so truth can be everywhere.
I love the freedom I feel in the New Church. I have felt the freedom to ask questions, to not be sure, to sit and wait until I get an answer, and most importantly, to understand what God has freely given. I have been “invited” to consider things, never coerced, pressured or made to feel guilty. I can choose my level of involvement and I now know for the first time what was expressed in a New Church sermon I read online somewhere: “Unless I can turn to God in freedom, I can’t turn to Him at all.” What a joy to have worship be motivated by love, thanksgiving and delight, instead of duty.
The steps of repentance have been enlightening to me. I used to identify things in my actions or character and say “that’s not how Jesus would be, so I won’t be that way.” But I missed an important part, which was acknowledging where I actually was in my evolution. Until I could admit who I was and then give it to God, I could not make deep or lasting changes. Seeing evil as separate and distinct from me has changed my life. For years I beat myself up, feeling like the emotions of anger, or anxiety, or other such things were me. It has been amazing to see and feel the difference when I acknowledge the motives of evil spirits and call on God to fight those battles for me.
My view of God has been drastically altered. As a parent, I’ve wanted to understand the unconditional love from my God as a parallel to the way I love and accept my children, yet I just didn’t feel it. I worried that I disappointed or angered God, and always had an underlying fear of being eternally separated from Him. Since coming to the New Church, it has been solidified in my heart that God is love, and true love can’t be provoked to anger. There is no such thing as an angry or punishing God. It is awesome to draw close to a loving God! This has been the quest of my faith my entire life and the single most valuable gift I have received as part of my walk with the New Church. Now if anything or anyone tells me that God is angry or doesn’t accept me, I resist.
Finally, my approach in sharing my faith has changed. It has never been easier to share about God or church, because I’m excited about them. I listen to my friends and what they long for — peace, good relationships, integrity — and I know where they can find those things. I know the plans God has for each of them — “plans to prosper and not to harm” — ”plans to give a hope and a future.” I ask God to use me and He sets up situations, one after another. I no longer worry about what to say. The words just come!
These are the things I love, that resonate with me, that have touched my heart and have satisfied my mind. I think I have only touched the tip of the iceberg in my understanding of some of the concepts of the New Church. But I am grateful for what I have received. And I am happy. I have found salve for my soul.