Personal Stories
Chris's Story
"The fact that death isn't the end of life is a pretty awesome thing to know."
Historically, my relationship with church was dysfunctional at best. I was raised Methodist and made to go to church with my grandmother every Sunday. The minutes dragged by as I squirmed silently on the wooden pew. It seemed to me that church was a torture invented specifically for small children. Needless to say, I didn't like God very much.
My grandmother was on the board of something or other. After the service she would sit at the back of the church counting up the money. While she did money things, I would try to find ways to occupy myself. I remember stapling two Styrofoam plates together and hurling my creation around the church like a frisbee. It was during one of these stagnant afternoons that I thought to myself, 'Why does anyone believe in this God stuff? It's just silly – any sensible person can see that'. And I officially became an atheist at age 11. My stance on religion was supported by my grandmother's habit of watching bad gospel broadcasts on TV. I couldn't watch my shows when she was monopolizing the screen, so I hated church even more.
My grandmother moved out when I was 12 and in moved Stepdad who was New Church. This wouldn't feature until later in my life. I was still an atheist. Though I was adamant in my views, the thing that perturbed me most of all was the blackness of death. I believed that when people died, they were buried in the ground and that was that – show over. I wished it could be different but the realist in me couldn't accept an alternative.
Some years later, I found myself on a tour with a singing group from Connecticut. Our purpose was to perform 'musical ministries' in local churches up and down the East Coast. After each performance, there would be a worship service. I still thought the idea of God was inane; however, I noticed that the worship service would make people feel something. I didn't know what it was but I envied it. Then, in the middle of a service one night, I stood up and walked out. One of the ministers followed me outside. Once we were away from the church, I turned to him and said, "I want to believe in God but I just can't. There's this wall and I can't take it down." "Yes, you can," he replied, "You put it there. Will you pray with me?" I refused, but then he said, "C'mon, what's the worst that can happen? All you need to do is ask God to come in and break down that wall." I relented and began to pray. I asked God to let me know that He existed. Nothing happened.
In another church about a week later, we were singing and it was dark except for a few candles. Midway through the service, I was aware of a deep something all around me. It was like I'd suddenly stepped into a universe of peace. I knew for sure it was God. And so, I became a Christian.
Later that year, I applied to Bryn Athyn College of the New Church at the encouragement of my family. My intention was to attend for a year, then transfer out and study politics. However, God had other plans. The prescribed reading for one of my courses was Grant Schnarr's 'You can Believe'. It changed my life. I realized I wanted to learn all I could about religion and, moreover, I wanted to share it with other people. I decided that the way to do this was to become a New Church minister, so I had to stay.
Of all the New Church teachings, I think the ones about the afterlife are my favorite. The fact that death isn't the end of life is a pretty awesome thing to know. After years of thinking that death really equaled death, this knowledge is still a novelty to me. I want to be a means of spreading God's light to other people, because, as I've found out from my own experience, life is so much better when you know the truth.